I never knew that when I went into private practice ten years ago, I would have to talk about nude photos so dang much. I have to address this at an alarming rate. Parents’ responses to learning that their teen sent an intimate picture of themselves has varied from, “I’m never letting them leave the house again” to “isn’t this kind of a normal thing now?” It’s unfortunately common, but not normal or safe. Parents wonder why? Why in the world would their kid do something like this? Was it peer pressure, low self-esteem, or simply a lack of education on the consequences of sharing intimate photos? Whatever the reason may be, it is crucial to acknowledge that your teen is likely feeling a lot of shame and embarrassment. 

More often than not, parents are incredibly distressed in my office addressing their concerns, they’re also angry at the choice their child made and fearful about the implications. Fair, this is a serious situation that can have significant consequences including legal action, damage to their reputation, and significant emotional distress. We address the parents’ emotions first. What support are they needing to address their child in a way that will be productive?

When a conversation happens you (parents) need to  be grounded, present, and willing to listen. It’ll be more fruitful of a conversation if you’re able to emphasize that you are there to support them and that your primary concern is their safety and well-being. It can be helpful to strategize what healthy and productive consequences look like before addressing the teen. Likely, more boundaries with teenage relationships, social media, and phone use will need to be established to ensure their safety. It’s important to know  this can be done in a way that is compassionate and healing vs. screaming and threatening and relationship-damaging. 

I think these conversations have the opportunity to be healing for the parent-teen relationship. The parents have an opportunity to show their concern in a supportive loving way. The teen has an opportunity to learn and trust their parents. It is easy to feel loved when you’re making straight A’s, good choices, and you’re doing what you’re supposed to – it’s much harder when you’re soaking in shame from a choice you’re not even sure why you made. Moments like these can be crucial for relationships. To show someone how much you love them when they feel the most unloveable can provide lifelong benefits to the relationship and they are much more likely to come to you when they’re hurting/make their next mistake. 

If you have a teen that is struggling with healthy relational boundaries with technology or otherwise, click here to learn about our teenage therapy progam.